Stream of Nonsense

We made it through the Summer without melting in to puddles, but it was a challenging Season

Vehicle was repaired locally and covered fully by insurance + we got our deductible back! I do know how to work "with" the system of good ole boys, much as I hate it, and at least break even.  Standing firm on what really matters - not writing off vehicle for body shop profit - and remaining icy calm in the face of comments meant to trigger your emotions so they can write You off is easier than back in the day....


Following the vehicle adventure, we had leaky pipes in the kitchen and A/C went out during the hottest week of the summer and it took 3 days for guy to get here but it was an easy fix so we did not die, only thought we might.  Thank God we can afford home insurance that covered all this!  Between the washer and refrigerator repairs earlier this year and the Summer adventures, it has more than paid for itself!

A former co-worker started his own biz and so I took on a second job helping him get it off the ground -- more about this later.





Sitting at the desk 14 to 16 hours a day for work, especially with no A/C, just isn't conducive to the sit upon skin health.  [That's as far as I'm taking that description, it was as gross as you don't need to imagine]  Needless to say, I ignored the issue until I literally could not sit or stand or walk without wanting to scream.  I always feel like a faker when I finally go to Urgent Care.  But like that incident a couple years ago ... uh, medical folks were freaking out before all the blood work was done.  My white blood count was a bit on the 'holy she-it' side and uh, I somehow got a staph infection that turned my body chemistry against me. Ended up on 3 types of antibiotics + infusion therapy for a week that trashed my hands because my veins were not cooperating. [they 'roll' when harpoons come at them, go figure]  Took longer for my hands to recover than for the vile infection to go away and for my boo boo to heal! Only missed 3 hours of work during that adventure and yeah, the yeast infection from the antibiotic use was spectacular. 'Nuff said.

Insurance tried to say I was out of network with regards to all this.  Spent two hours on the phone to ask, "How could this be out of network when it is the Only Doctor listed in my area and uh, it was in network earlier this year so what you talkin' 'bout?"  Funny how it all works, the hemming and hawing and uh, um, well "Yes, it is in network but the LAB isn't." That the lab is in the same building seemed to elude them until I got the Urgent Care to fax them their Lab address [TIP: having more than one cell phone in the house means you don't have to call back and sit in the phone tree another 40 minutes & Labs are very helpful when it comes to getting paid]  So aside from the co-pays at the time of service, we're down to $90 for the whole mess.  I can afford that.

Alas, the bruised hands meant my coloring time was irrelevant because holding pencils was not happening.  I managed the typing for work by using warm rice socks every couple hours but it wasn't a great deal of help.  But that's the way it goes when you believe you're indestructible because you have to be ... someday I'm gonna get the message, or not.

That adventure did help me reconcile to the Fifteen Minutes Philosophy of Coloring aka GEdN. Finding large blocks of time to color is never going to happen.  I am never going to advance to the different mediums, or achieve more than basic coloring of gorgeous pictures that no doubt deserve better BUT ... I can and will whittle out 15 minutes here and there to just, by golly, color!  Sometimes I'm only able to squeeze in 7 minutes, other times it's 12, now and then I reach 20 mins -- Good E-damn-Nuff. 

Repeating that phrase before picking up a pencil makes all the difference in my mindset.  Gone is frustration and resentment because it's Good E-damn-Nuff today!  It took me 10 days to do a regular coloring book page, it turned out decent and was GEdN.  I'm 9 days in to my second page and it has been pure pleasure, every 15 minute increment of coloring, just as I used to imagine having a whole day to color would be.  The lessons I've learned listening to youtubers don't always turn out as I think they should but they aren't wasted attempts anymore, they're a 15 minute challenge to GEdN.  Who knew it could be so easy to just have fun?  Not me!

As to the 2nd job, I am desperately hoping to transition from the land of Corporate Indifference where 2 people are doing the job of 4.5 and getting further behind, to working for my former co-worker doing essentially the same job but with actual Thanks now & then and Reasonable time lines!  He's just getting started and is stunned by how quickly the work is rolling in just via word of mouth.  I'm not.  He's an honest person of integrity that pays attention to details.  People like that are thin on the ground. 

So ... we're hoping to see a point in the not too distant future where I can work for him full time and say to current employer, "Sixteen plus years meant something to me, too bad it didn't mean a thing to you."  Right now we're about 1/3 of the way there, so it's mostly a Dream I'm hugging tight while working 9 hours for The Man, then another 2-3 hours for Someday.

I will confess, I spent so many years of my life being Single Parent, Sole Support that the nickles and dimes of decisions still makes me break out in a rash as I do the math, over and over, just in case I missed something or didn't carry a 1 as I should!  Yeah, I'm nutz.

All my children are grown now, it isn't like they depend on me for socks, food, and running water, but doing my part in our little communal house matters to me.  I'll also admit, I've grown spoiled by the little extras I can finally afford.  Whether I work 1 or 2 or 3 jobs, there's never been enough time to do all the things I want, and frankly, my stupid health is part of that now.  Energy is a precious commodity that is becoming as challenging as time.  I know many reading this face those same challenges and yeah, it's an adventure I'm heartened to share with you, even if I don't mention it.

What I will mention in a hushed whisper is: I'm not a big Christmas person for a myriad of reasons no one needs dumped in their mug o life.  I adore the Lights & Decor but the solemnity of the season has been stolen by the commercialization of giving and gathering.  That's not new, of course, but the older I get the more it disturbs me.  I battle depression at Christmas, it is not seasonal disorder it is emphatically to do with Christmas and literally ends on the 27th of Dec.  I generally tend to hermitize through December, counting down the days like a prisoner marking chalk on the wall. I don't color Christmas or embrace the holiday spirit with gusto.  I enjoy the little rituals, the music - both the reverent and irreverent funny stuff - and movies that remind me laughing or crying, time moves on like it always has. This year I've pushed harder than usual, I'd like to say it's helped, but mostly all it's done is ease the guilt I feel for Not Loving Christmas.

For me, the Season either lasts all year long, or it means nuffin' but an excuse to take time off and party.  Partying is fine, gift giving is groovy, gathering together with friends and loved ones is wonderful but those epiphanies of the heart that last All Year seem harder to find and harder still to maintain beyond February. It's all too easy to arrogantly assume I've taken in all those hallowed lessons and just let the Season carry me along in a wave of comforting activities.  I know better.  I know my heart tends to hardness, to indifference, to shrugging away love giving that goes beyond the immediate circle, to genuine seeking of those struggling ... I know I neeeeed to try and do more to soften my heart and not just one month of the year.  Christmas is a reminder of how far I have yet to go.  That's not a bad thing. It's a good thing really, an encouraging thing, but a hard to market and sell all year long thing and it really dampens holiday dinner discussions :g:

So ... here I am, still burning the candle at both ends because I don't know how not to and long term is really not long as I once thought it would be.  That is easier to deal with than the transition from facing one way at the desk to facing another, go figure.

But gosh, aren't the Christmas Lights pretty?!