Despite the rigors of child raising, weather, changes in circumstances, and both of us moving to other states, we managed to maintain fellowship. No one is faster with the "Hang in There!" or the Righteous Indignation or, thankfully, the "Woe - what did you say?! Have you lost your marbles again?"
She was there through every agonizing [and terrifying] day of the divorce and our subsequent dash to safety, Firmly Insisting we'd be all right if I just kept my faith and put one foot in front of the other, walking sanity, even if it felt nutz to do so. She encouraged me to get that counseling that we all needed and checked my math when I was sure I'd screw up the budget. Technically, she should be blind from reading all my blathering but somehow God protected her wise eyes!
She was the one encouraging me to grow beyond the parameters I'd set for myself to survive. The first one to say, "No, wearing pants is not going to condemn you to everlasting damnation, chuck the dumb jumpers and see!" she also believed that the convictions of parenting and educating my children were the things to cling to until God showed me otherwise and so, never told me I, alone, couldn't raise six children. Her certainty I wasn't alone agreed with mine, but it was essential to hear it from another when so many were convinced of the opposite.
There were tons of good days and bad days and just plain weary days, including eight months where I literally shut down communicating with everyone outside our four walls. Not once has she asked why. Not once has she chastised me for that. Not once has she suggested I was no friend to do that. Somehow, she managed to keep sending chirpy and omigosh you'll never believe MY shitty day emails despite my silence, until I'd pieced myself back together and could respond. That depth of love and care is truly beyond friendship, and though I know I don't deserve it, I sure do praise God for the wonderful creation she is!
Much later, she kept me grounded in common damn sense when I was certain it was beamed away by aliens and all that was left is a horrifying reality I could not face. She and God put my youngest daughter's lupus in perspective. She's the one that helped me do the research I needed to do so I was a Help, not a Worthless Wench. She's the one that checks in to make sure all is well, knowing well is relative to the hour and day, not necessarily some magical thaing with glitter and streamers. She is the one that guided my comprehension of limits and that it is ok to push those because the Fun is worth the consequences.
When my eldest daughter moved So Far and Away, she listened to me sob and snivel and blow my nose. She comprehends the devastation of never seeing your child again, didn't diminish my broken heart ... or the Joy I simultaneously felt that Eldest Daughter isn't afraid to take her life and make what she will of it, whether mother likes it or not. Bestie wiped the spit off my face and reminded me that my goal was to raise Godly People that were Strong and Able to be whoever they would be. She even squirted ketchup on my crow so I could get it down without gagging. This might be why she so easily affirmed my perspective when Third Daughter moved out. Fifty miles away isn't as fearsome.
She nudged me to seek out medical care during my health incident. Between her and my co-worker, I simply wasn't allowed to talk myself out of going to Urgent Care. Go figure, they were right to nudge and, along with medical professionals, I'm sure they saved my life. She accepts the limits of lifetime without making me feel guilty for ignoring it, mostly. What you cannot change, you embrace and get on with the day. We learned that together over time, laughing about laundry, politicians, and pets that are not as messy as toddlers but it's pretty damn close.
No one tells better jokes, laughs as perfectly, or loves her husband and kids more. No one can take two sentences in a fat, rather boring email and know that was the most important part. We've struggled together, resented distance and at times just been fighting mad with the world that is not fair, or especially kind to anyone. She's had some horrifying health challenges and yet keeps moving as she can, accepting limits and enjoying triumphs where they are. Her laugh lines are a Gorgeous Testimony of the Strength she shares so generously.
Meeting and enjoying her company LIVE and In Person for four days was a glimpse of Eternity. We didn't do anything much, just visited, ate good food, and sipped our coffee. At times sounding like frogs because we yammered a bit more than either of us are used to was fine, I made tea. I spent the days not once having to think of something to say, it was all so easy and exactly as I longed for it to be. My adult children living together and sharing expenses in this lovely little house have heard her opinions, thoughts and snarky comments for most of their lives so they also felt like they knew her before she got here ... was hilarious to see how comfy they were with her and vice versa.
After the birth days of each child and getting to ask a question of Mark Shepard at the Doctor Who convention a couple years ago, it was the Most Wonderful four days of my entire life. I don't have a bucket list. I am a low key, live faithfully in the moment, tomorrow will take care of itself sort of gal. But if I did, most of it would be crossed off with this one visit. Good friend, great conversation, and much laughter, truly best things in life!
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| Guess who is who - I dare ya! |
I'm sobbing enormous tears . After almost a week in Texas? I was *home* in your house! Ohmygosh, your children are just as amazing human beings as their dear old mum. We've had 4 kids and 10 surgeries between us in that time. Twenty-two years? Gone in a flash. It was simply a time you needed balls and I had an extra set handy. I'm warning you, I'll be back!
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