Life is just stinky sometimes

There are times life is just stinky.  You can't plan for it, can't do much but ride it out and maintain your sense of humor, can't get through it one step faster than the ticking of the clock allows.  Frequently, these times involve work.  You crash in to the wall of some power struggle that has absolutely nothing to do with you, or redevelopment, or another jargon type phrase that minimizes people to statistics or an equation that not only doesn't add up, it simply can't compute. 

My Eldest Son is enduring such a season.  It sucks.  As his mother, I still want to have a magic wand to fix everything, though I've never quite managed to find the wand OR the mother instruction manual that should come with all babies.  Instead, I'm reduced to blathering platitudes and encouragement at him, neither of which he believes or really wants to hear right now.  Totally get that.  I don't want those things either. 

We know we are so much more than what we do to pay the bills.  A job does not define our soul. But when you've put so much of yourself in to a job to meet the expectations and arbitrary goals and suddenly get hit with a kick in the personal area, it feels like life has been slurped right out of you.  When others not only enjoy your pain but gloat over it, intentionally humiliating you before co-workers, it grinds away at your sense of self.

And yet, he stood tall, finished his shift with the same attention to detail, and when his immediate supervisor promised all would be well, he laughed knowing it for the lie it is.  He came home in a subdued state of being, talked with me a bit, vented some, ate a decent meal and went to bed at a reasonable hour.  None of that is as easy to do as it sounds.  I've never been prouder of him than I am right now. 

How we face the bull sheit life flings at us, the integrity we maintain during those seasons, IS the definition of who we are.  I hammered at my sons that a man - a genuine man - uses his strength to help others.  They both got that message loud and clear.  They also use that same strength to help themselves, to get through the stinky and sheitty and just plain kick in the personal area days. 

There were many people that insisted a single mom could not raise six children "alone."  They were certainly right.  Fortunately, I didn't have to do it alone.  I had God to kick my essentially lazy butt out of bed and to keep me moving when I wanted to hide under the house and to provide energy I know I never had, or will have again. 

My Eldest Son and Eldest Daughter tapped in to that early and continue to amaze me, daily, with their determination and tenacity that not only endures, but thrives and carries on even in less than ideal circumstances.  The other children have observed and learned the path is often rocky and pitted but they'll get along just fine if they put one foot in front of the other.  Some days it feels harder than others, but in truth, those are the days we Prove who we are, inside, where it counts.